my life in < 2 pages

Since so often I am asked for some details of my journey, I decided to sit down and try to write the important parts down in short-story form. A work in progress, my life, ANY life, has its meanderings. But they all will have a physical start and a physical end. I only want that I am at peace with what is in the middle. :D

Please enjoy!

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sherri is a girl of faith, who worries just like everybody about what she ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ do, but steps out, pretty much ultimately every time, to do what her heart tells her to.

she was born on a tiny isle of Barbados [just north of South America], inhabited with less than 300,000, and raised inauspiciously by her [orphaned] grandmother; and never knew inhibitions. she knew conflict… but never, really, inhibitions.

she has always been some sort of explorer, ‘testing’ God from teen-age, and finding ‘He’d’ catch her, then testing and testing herself and the boundaries, right through life, and never quite getting any hindrances. It was just the ‘limitations’ of the environment which got a little uncomfortable. 

she traveled to a far place called Antibes, in the South of France to learn International Business at high levels: intention being to finally! use that French she had been so good at since secondary school… and she learned other things, TOTALLY! she learned that people from different places and races are basically the same; that emotions and feelings are important, that care and respect are paramount. she learned herself… and began to love ‘her’ differently.

then she traveled to Holland on her high, and there she met the pinnacle of her life to then: TOTAL acceptance and in fact, respect from her peers and others, for simply, basically being herself. this was ‘different’; this was special. 

coming back to Bim [her homeland], again was struck with the limits to thinking of her surroundings; continued progressively, according to the world. hit the highs professionally and personally [by getting married], then watched the self she’d just built falling down. the challenge to be herself among peers was that hard; no-one would try things, no-one would care, no-one would step out…

she crashed… EXTREME depression, mixed with disillusionment, covered in sadness. My people! They don’t want to learn! They don’t want to receive! They don’t want to believe there’s more to life than just existing, just running the race! 

she went to God, her ‘go-to’… and she said, ‘If I let go of this stifling, this suffering, will you take care of me? I want to grow, I want to live! I want to have much more to look back on than ‘things’… but what will I go to? And inside she felt the nod; sherri, go for it! And she did! she quit her job, incredibly negotiated three months salary and benefits and thought how she would finally do something with this life…

she thought about empowerment, of helping others to see their potential and beginning a re-volution, of sorts… one towards people becoming all they could be, and consequently helping others around them and gradually seeing the wave of potential expand and expand and expand outwards… till everywhere she turned there would be happiness, and satisfaction and self-love…  

another trip was going to be likely; she had to ‘understand’ self-employment before she’d go around telling anybody how to sustain themselves through their work! So she took her savings and headed off to Barcelona to study entrepreneurship at the highest level. And there she got some other things: she got that God is very much leading in everything; she got that people require love, care and attention more than anything else; it could actually overpower all of your primary intentions, she learned that people need hope, if even in very small doses at a time to live; that friends will be friends will be friends will be friends… and that people with self esteem problems probably shouldn’t be in leadership positions hahaa

she didn’t do ‘great’ in Barcelona, mainly because she didn’t connect there, but the next phase was in Sweden, in Vaxjo to be precise, and she found her rhythm easily and collectively. she could work here; she could learn what she needed here, and she could just be her beautiful self here also. Life was great! Beautiful surroundings, great GREAT diverse friendships, love all around… GOD all around; then impending doom as the time approaches to end the sojourn. It’s time to go home, again, apparently to nothing! It’s so depressing, once again! Who am I? I can’t live in this world! NO! Not again!!! 

but with heart strong and complete blurred vision she sets out to live positively, certain that at a point it will make sense. she drifted, waiting for signs, waiting for signals for her life, and gradually she got them. she sat in here, she coached there, she read this and that, she immersed in living in love, though truthfully a love that had nothing really to give… barring learnings, the learnings of life.

but this vision of harmony kept peeking out; it couldn’t be THAT difficult to live and be together! It couldn’t be! so with heavy heart but clear CLEAR vision she moved on, and took the step to make her view on life really REAL. she took the different messages from the sun, from the sky, from the ocean and channeled them purely and honestly in her work. she didn’t have any path to take but her own; nobody to guide her, nobody to follow. she just did her thing… 

and enjoyed it SO IMMENSELY! THIS WAS FUN! Learning new things, trying myself, testing myself, often with no help of the human sort… CONSTANTLY with great help of the Godly sort. It was a happy life, a wholesome kind, an exciting time…

but the thought continued in my mind that I had to show everyone how to feel happiness in their lives. The people were miserable: they wouldn’t try, they’d only cry. They didn’t want to feel real joy… or so it seemed. I’d feel the pain of them; the absolute lack and hopelessness, I’d take it so hard!  

well eventually I had no choice if I was going to be myself and remain sane, but to leave it behind. It was pretty clear I had to be right with myself if ever I was going to consistently help anyone. And so I did; I walked away… again, this time remaining in my home land. I’d just decided to enjoy what is lovely of my home; exempt myself from what is ugly. All was well; all was even BEAUTIFUL! I had some GREAT experiences where I absolutely least expected.

but I couldn’t earn money; it was DISGUSTING what I was asked repeatedly to do for it… I watched as God took care of things all around. I watched my lifestyle never deteriorating at any time; I watched those persons I respected call me up and do their best to ensure I had work. I watched it all unfold.

i watched as God would lead me to places and to love as that I’d not imagined, time and time and time again. I watched then as my learnings started to emerge on possibility to be and do and love as you like AND still be accepted by your world. The learnings, the learnings of my life… 

then the challenge and the changes that emerged… suddenly the outlook on my life was one where I realised: my future was TOTALLY where I’d like it. Decisions on my happiness, my success, my fulfillment, surrounded MY desires, not anything more or less.

so gradually I stepped out in little ways… this time to territory I had shunned since being a child. This time about love. I didn’t want any longer to submit; to settle; to tell myself it was best, the best I could do, to take anything literally thrown to me like I did whenever I settled right back in Bim. I stepped out; and this time I put God to take the lead; I let it go… 

i did the same with my work; just time to let it all go to the Father, to make everything so right. It was time…

And He did it! I watched the universe unfold in my favour… I literally sat at my desk, exempt from the world as we know it and watched my true love walk up to me, while watching my life’s work make sense, and sense and more sense. And learnings continued… about fate and about hopefulness and positivity and hanging in there with belief… the belief that ANYTHING good could happen at any time! 

i live on my little island for now… another might come along in my path; who knows? i'm peaceful with my surroundings and my life; I’m loving while being loved. and I still believe that life is best lived well, and flat out, an uninhibited and in love.

but totally according only to His time.